At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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