i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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