just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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