If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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