you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
then he tried to convert me to islam
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
