I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
