thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
