Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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