dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
