You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
