I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
