3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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