I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
