I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
