When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
