the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
