Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
