K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
