she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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