just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
