i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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