You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
