Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
