i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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