Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Green mimosas i think yes
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
