cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's never too late to be topless.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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