Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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