Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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