I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
