After last night, I could never be a politician.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Drunk is a universal language darling
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
