Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Come back. Shots need mouths.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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