I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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