Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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