I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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