hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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