I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
