She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
