I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
