I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
