So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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