Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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