all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
