No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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