carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
