I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
