there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
