i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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