Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
