dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
