u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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