so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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